In other news, I had a dream last night. This is somewhat big because I usually don't get enough sleep to have a dream and they are few and far between. I remember the dream so clearly because there was a lot of emotion involved. I was in some sort of forest or jungle with a bunch of girls my own age (I think I recognized most of them as household sisters). We broke into smaller groups and traveled to where we thought we were supposed to go. I don't remember there being a certain location or purpose until later. Finally all of us arrived at what looked like an opening in the trees where you could see more sky than usual. Word traveled that we were to find the way out of this place by following this one trail ahead. We got to the start of the trail and it is basically a cliff with a white metal ladder ascending into a HUGE abyss of sky. We can barely see the bottom, because it is WAY DOWN. I immediately froze. I heard some guide say how many steps do you want? My household sister said, "I dunno, 85?" So he replied that that was how many she was getting and good luck getting to the bottom. So she started to go! I was thinking to myself that there was no way it would only take 85 steps. Close by there was a guy sitting near one of those large stands with a map similar to what you see at a mall or national park. I went over and started talking to him, somewhat for comfort and I thought it would keep my mind off the overwhelming fear that the cliff down was the only way to leave. I looked at the map and together, the guy and I realized it was a map of Africa. When I found that out, my perspective somewhat changed. A real passion of mine is to one day go to Africa. I thought, "how could I finally get to be in Africa and not have known?" I clung to the guy and he kindly reassured me that it was something I needed to do by myself.
So, I figured I better go to the public restroom nearby just in case it is going to be a long time until I get to go again. All of a sudden, this little asian 11-year-old comes into the bathroom and starts yelling at this old black lady, "that's her, she's the one who killed all those people and my mother. she is a dangerous fugitive". The lady kinda shrugged and walked past the boy out of the bathroom. Later I saw her just walking around and no one seemed to care she was a former criminal. (This part actually has nothing to do with the theme or events of my dream (I think) it was just really funny and happened to be in the dream.)
Anyways, so I finally go to the start of the cliff because I am the last person to go and everyone is waiting for me. I get there and things start to make sense and come together. This is because, when I get to the cliff, I can suddenly see everyone at the bottom of the ladder. They are all sitting in boats that are no more than 20-40 feet down. How can this be? How can the 1000+ foot drop suddenly be so small? How-you ask? Because it was an illusion the whole time. I look over to my right and see the cliff bending around the cove and see that the water looks darker when you look at the side, but clear when looking straight down. So when you look straight down, you see the depths of the cliff going into the sea. I got this urge to complete the task ahead of me and had all the encouragement from those ahead, including the guide at the top of the ladder, who showed me how to start. When I climbed over the edge, I saw the most beautiful scene of the cove and the water and the Sun shining with the dawn.
I'm sure you can see the symbolism all over this dream. Yes, I have had a huge fear of taking chances lately. And, yes I find that after all this fear, which cripples my ability to do things, in turn these steps aren't so bad. In fact, taking the leap to the next step in my life is something that can be more exciting and beautiful rather than fearful and grim. I have also had the experience of clinging to guys for my security and finding acceptance through them.
I'd like to look at it this way: The guy in my dream symbolizes all the things we cling to and have trouble letting go of; all of our Earthly possessions and attachments. The guide is Jesus for He is the Way, the Truth, and the Light. All of my friends in the dream are all of the Saints who have gone before us on the path to Heaven. The black lady and the asian kid? They are the reasons why you shouldn't eat/watch tv before you go to bed. In the case of the 85 steps to get down, this symbolizes the fact that God does take into consideration our dreams and desires in getting us to Heaven. This is something big to realize-that He loves us enough to make our will part of His.
I think that in life we are constantly called to give up our attachments for something better and more beautiful. Of course, this removal of our attachments, or dying to self, is something that scares the Hell out of us...literally. And that is what will bring us closer to God.
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